Lifetimes
by JapaneseAnimeFreak16
Summary: In this life, she is not just a Viking. AU, angst, oneshots.
1. he doesn't find the dragon

**Author's Note:** Hello HTTYD fandom! This is my first HTTYD fanfic and I'm so excited :D I LOVE HTTYD! It's my favorite movie. Ever. I almost died from happiness when I saw the Christmas special and the Legend of the Boneknapper XD And I'm totally psyched for the tv show coming out AUGUST! 3 Anyways, this is a series of 'what if' oneshots that are not connected at all. Hope you guys enjoy :D

**Rating: T**

**Warning: **Mentions of blood, ANGST, OOCness, death, violence, maybe some swearing, spoilers for non-movie watchers (why the hell are you here?) and blaah :P I LOVE HICCUP!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own HTTYD. If I did…I'd die happy.

**Summary:** In this life, he never finds the dragon.

* * *

In this life, he never finds the dragon.

He doesn't bother to look, because he doesn't think he or his father can handle another disappointment. Nothing changes as Hiccup moves through the motions of everyday life, getting bullied by the other teen Vikings, hearing Stoic's frustrated sighs at night, feeling the prickle of eyes watching him – judging, mocking, pitying.

He knows he'll never become Chief, and honestly, he doesn't think he has the will to lead and command so many people, let alone wake up every morning to the same routine that is steadily sucking the life from him.

His inventions grow more complicated, sophisticated, and delicate with years of experience and endless imagination, creating new things that his Viking kin will never use because they are _Vikings._ His humor becomes more biting, he turns insults hurled at him into witty comebacks that leave his once could-be friends confused and angry, and he knows Gobber sees the cheerful light in his eyes dim a little more each day. He doubts he'll get into Valhalla like his father or Gobber, and he'll never see his mother again. He'll rot in the back room of the smithy, forging swords and axes until he dies an insignificant death; maybe by a dragon attack or impaling himself on his very own weapon.

When he does somehow overcome his clumsiness and inherent bad luck to help catch a dragon one day, things seem to get better. He gets a girlfriend – and eventually, wife – that doesn't have blue-grey eyes or blonde hair, he has kids that inherit his scathing sarcasm and knack for trouble, and he goes on living as Snotlout becomes the next Chief and shoulders the burden of war and leadership.

He thinks he's happy, but deep in his bones, he knows this is not what he was meant for.

Dragons never leave them alone, and each battle is the same as the last – more homes burning, Vikings dying, resentment spreading, and Hiccup wonders that maybe, just maybe, they don't have to fight.

And then his home burns to the ground during a raid while he's busy sharpening weapons, and he doesn't hear of his first child's death until much later. That day, his heart hardens and turns cold in his chest, hatred and vengeance warping and breaking and twisting him until he's no longer the sincere, helpful, awkward young man that the village has grown to accept. Bitterness is his shield and rage is his weapon, and every Viking knows it well.

One by one, the teens that could've been his allies once upon a time fall, dying gloriously in battle, becoming bloody heroes with faces too charred to tell the difference between them and the hundreds that came before.

He is the last, and as he falls to his death, falls into the gaping maw of the Red Death, he smiles because _flying_ felt so much like _living_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So there. My first oneshot :D hope you enjoyed the angsty goodness! I LOVE YOU HICCUP I'M SORRY! T^T Faves and reviews are greatly appreciated ;D I love hearing ideas too! Feel free to shoot me something sad to turn into a oneshot! Sorry there's not a lot of Toothless…these are all mostly in Hiccups POV :P


	2. he doesn't hesitate

**Author's Note:** This is kinda early for an update (especially from me XD) but I just HAD to put this up! I have another one in my arsenal but it still needs some tweaking ;D Here's another angsty one-shot of another 'what if' scenario about Hiccup and Toothless :D

**Rating: M**

**Warning:** Character death, slightly graphic scenes, angst, AU, OOCness

**Summary:** In this life, he doesn't hesitate.

* * *

In this life, he doesn't hesitate.

The final cry of the Night Fury chills his blood and stops his heart, tearing through the forest and echoing it's mournful wail. Hiccup unsteadily falls the ground, body trembling and stomach rolling, as he stares at the cold body in front of him, his dagger still sticking out of it's unmoving chest.

Shock paralyzes his body, the short, almost nonexistent elation of _finally_ killing a dragon draining from him as quickly as it had come. His lungs are heavy from horror and disgust, and the inevitable need to retch until he's sobbing overcomes him. He doesn't move for a long time, clinging the boulder behind him as he tries to stay conscious, the constant mantra of _what have I done_ ringing his head as he tries to look somewhere besides the black mass of scales in front of him.

Eventually, he's able to get up again, and eventually, he staggers home, heart heavy even as he wipes the tears from his face – but acid green eyes full of accusation and fear pierce his chest and he knows he will never be free of his guilt.

At first, his father doesn't believe him and waves him off with that same dismissive air that he's known his whole life, and Hiccup is startled by the incredible amount of fiery hot rage that fills his being and makes him see red. How _dare_ that man treat him like a child, how _dare_ that man look down at him with disappointment, after everything they have done…then he screams. He yells, he thrashes, and he cries, and when Stoic sees something dark in his son's eyes, something that hadn't been there before, he falls silent and calmly follows the young man on his trek to sorrow and damnation.

There's a huge party at the Great Hall, a feast for kings – or Vikings – that night.

"_Hiccup killed a dragon!"_

"_He got the Night Fury! Can you believe it?"_

"_Who knew he had it in him?"_

"_That's our Hiccup for ya! He is Stoic's son after all!"_

"_Thank Thor! If he keeps this up, he's gonna make a fine Chief."_

"_Incredible!"_

But Hiccup isn't there and refuses to cheer because there is _nothing_ to celebrate.

"Oh, he's just resting. He took down a Night Fury, after all." Is what his father boasts, laughing uproariously with the rest of the hall, and Hiccup can't help but feel sick with every proud word or approving glance.

During the next raid, no one questions Hiccup – the _hero_, a spiteful voice in the back of his mind hisses – as he walls himself away into the back of the forge, sharpening weapons and ignoring Gobber's constant, worried nagging. The absence of "_Night Fury!" _hurts more than he can bear, but he doesn't stop and continues to work. His chest feels hollow, he doesn't feel his hands burn from the hot metal, and all the while, he waits for a sound that will never come.

_I'm a Viking._

His dream comes true. The whole village acknowledges him, his father is proud of him, and he's _finally_ a Viking, like he's always wanted. Astrid sees him in a whole new light, he has the respect of his peers, he has everything he thought he's ever wanted and should be _happy._

So he smiles, and laughs, and fights, and forges, and pretends everything is absolutely perfect.

And at night he weeps, because it all feels so wrong.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So…yeah. There it is. Hope you guys enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. Remember, ANY AND ALL IDEAS/REQUESTS FOR MORE ONESHOTS ARE WELCOME! I'd love to hear what you think and what you'd like to see :D I already have some on my inbox that I'm itching to write X3 Faves and reviews are appreciated!

Side Note: is there a way to see how many people are following you as an author? I'm curious :3 thanks!


	3. he was too late

**Author's Note: **Here it is finally! Third oneshot! Another angsty one XD I have to admit, it's not one of my best oneshots so please forgive me for the looong wait! It's a bit longer than the others so I hope that makes up for it! And thank you all for the great ideas! I have a few more oneshots in the making so stay tuned :D

**Rating: T**

**Warning:** Character death, blood, violence, angst.

**Summary: **In this life, Gobber was too late.

* * *

In this life, Gobber was too late.

Hiccup knew, long before entering the training ring with the weight of his father's expectations on his shoulders, that he wasn't meant to be a Viking. He couldn't – wouldn't – kill dragons, and no one would understand his plight. So he resolved himself to being 'Hiccup the Useless' for as long as he lived, blacksmithing and taking over the forge once Gobber passed away. It sounded decent enough and just might be a little less stressful than striving to be something he couldn't be.

Everything around him blurred as training began, the yells of alarm drowning in his sea of despair.

As he planned his new, mediocre life filled with weapons and fire and mediocre happiness, he found himself in a familiar position – his back against a giant rock with a dragon's jaws wide open in front of his face. He knew instantly that this dragon would show no mercy, and was glad he felt nothing when it fired.

"NO! HICCUP!" Gobber bellowed, hooking his false hand into the dragons teeth and swinging it back into its cage. He turned and instantly looked away again, eyes closing in guilty, sickened resignation.

The other Viking teens could only stare or retch in horror, turning away from the gruesome sight with tears in their eyes. The life of a Viking wasn't pretty, filled with scars and burns and blood, but this…this was the first time they'd seen one of their kin killed, and so gruesomely. Training was, predictably, ended prematurely that day, just like Hiccups life.

No one heard the lonely roar echo through the forest.

Stoic was acutely aware of the heavy air of sorrow as they ship landed on shore, his shoulders hunched with anger at not finding the nest. Now, cold dread gripped his heart, especially when loved ones came foreword with grave expressions that spoke of pity, sympathy and, most of all, grave acceptance. His instincts were confirmed when he saw the body laying on the table covered with a blanket in the center of the grand hall, and he nearly fell to his knees when he didn't see his son standing beside the other mourning Vikings-in-training.

The funeral was quiet and solemn, filled with hardened silences and the death of a dragon.

On that day, their fates were sealed.

"_Hiccup…he…I couldn't ask for a better apprentice. Always quick on his feet and had a lot of imagination, he did. Quick learner and he…he woulda been a better blacksmith than I ever was. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Goodbye, Hiccup."_

"_We picked on Hiccup a lot, but that's only cause he could take it! He wasn't as weak as we thought he was…he wasn't a bad guy. He was pretty funny, actually…"_

"_Suck a sweet lad, he was. Always offering to help me with my chores…"_

"_He was a good lad. Smart to boot, and witty. He may not have been the greatest Viking, but…but he tried."_

"_That boy was clumsy one, but it was really quite endearing and sweet. He is – was – always so sincere and honest…oh Thor…all of us will miss him dearly…"_

Stoic was never the same after that.

There were more dragon hunts, more battle ships built, more raids, more weapons, more _everything_, including bloodlust. There was no mercy, not anymore, and the bitter resentment and rage was shared by the entire Village. They'd had deaths before, plenty of them, and they moved on. It was the way of the Vikings. But that dragon…those beasts had taken the wrong person in the wrong place, had attacked and scarred the heart of Berk, and there would be no forgiveness, because it was also the way of the Vikings.

As the war raged on, as the village burned, as the dragons roared, no one gave a thought to _what could have been._

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hope you guys liked it :D I didn't really have much to say since Hiccup dies in this and Toothless wasn't really mentioned, sorry about that, but I've been given some great ideas for more oneshots! Keep them coming! Faves and reviews are appreciated :D sorry for the late update, btw XD


	4. she is not just a viking

**Author's Note:** Hey, it's been a while! Thanks for all the faves and reviews, it really means a lot to me! Here's another one-shot, quite a bit different from my other ones and has a lot of OOC!Astrid, but hopefully you like my take on her childhood and burning need to kill dragons and be the best Viking. **Takes place when Hiccup tries to run away before he has to kill the dragon and Astrid finds him.**

**Rating: T**

**Warning:** OOCness, insane!Astrid, AU, implied character deaths, angst

**Summary: **In this life, she is not just a Viking.

* * *

In this life, she is not just a Viking.

It isn't in her nature to be a coward, to hide in the shadows when all she wants to do is demand answers and get them because she always does. It also isn't in her nature just watch, because she likes fighting and dominating and taking and _killing_–

But.

Patience is an old friend lurking the shadows of her mind, a stranger to her village and a calming addiction she takes deep lungfuls of now to settle her restless fingers, twirling the battle-worn axe in her grasp as delicately as callused, blood thirsty hands could while she waits in cold silence with her thoughts swimming in sick lullabies.

_Soon_, something murmured sweetly, _soon._

And finally.

Hiccup – scrawny, useless, troublesome Hiccup – tumbles from behind boulders and trees with the grace of an awkward duckling, and Astrid is not surprised at the morbid thought of how easy it would be to _break its neck_ as something too weak to be betrayal and too close to madness crawls under her skin and bubbles in her throat.

She is not a girl, she is not a child, she is a _Viking_ – _and what else_ something cackles hysterically, whispering torturous sweet nothings in her hair and humming it beneath her skin, but it too is an acquaintance she does not dismiss right away, maybe not ever – and she knows what she must do, had known since her father didn't come back all those years ago and she was left to be raised by the bloody shield he wore to battle instead. Mother never understood until she understood too well as light hair like spun gold and woven silk was the last thing she saw until she finally slept, and slept, and slept, leaving her sweet daughter with too much potential and not enough – not enough _what exactly?_

And suddenly she is back to the now, not the _then_ when _I'm sorry for your loss_ and _it's such a tragedy_ and _your parents were great Vikings_ and _they don't know they don't know they don't know _ruled her world, because now there is the crack of dry wood as something that sounds like her choked screams slithers closer to where the awkward, fragile duckling stood.

Acid green eyes peer into the darkness, and she bites back a hiss because _dragon, kill it, fire, blood, dragon, dragon, dragon_–

Hiccup smiles, reprimanding words caught between pearls of laughter, and Astrid thinks if she could string those wonderful sounds together with his teeth in between each note of joy she could wear it around her waist as a beautifully tragic trophy instead of hanging his head on her wall.

After all, he is a Viking's son but not a _Viking_ and never would be – one less nuisance in the village holding her back, one less dragon in her nightmares breathing fire into her dreams. When its claws decorate her room and his belt hangs in her closet, she can carve one more scar into her body and once less from her mind, and only when they all lay at her feet, broken and begging and hers and _yes_, only _then_ will she breathe in the ash and flames in euphoric glee because there _is no other way, Hiccup, can't you see_, no other happiness.

As he ascends the skies, riding freedom cloaked in black scales to places she would never go and things she could never see, with every beat of great ebony wings, something inside her snaps like the crack of a whip in the fragile silence and _it_ _laughs._

Later, they find him.

Much later, they find it.

And as they mourn and mourn and mourn, she twirls the small dagger caught between callused fingers and something dark purrs in content at the insanity reflected in her eyes.

_It is only the beginning._

* * *

**Author's Note**: Hope you guys liked insane!Astrid. It was fun writing her like this, haha.

And for those of you who don't completely understand what's happening in the oneshot, it's basically Astrid hiding her madness (or using it to fuel her viking training) from childhood (yes, it is implied she killed her mother when her mom found out) and ends up killing Hiccup (that's Hiccups dagger at the end) and Toothless before they can leave. She hates and wants to dominate and destroy anything involving dragons, and yeah. Or something. I'm not even completely sure. Creepy oneshot.


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